On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"
Stephen Wright jokes - screamingly funny. Examples:
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same
time. I think I've forgotten this before.
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know
what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think
I might have written that."
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I
keep it on all the beaches of the world... Perhaps you've seen it.
- More Stephen Wright
One of the funniest pieces I found on the Net was entitled Deep
Thoughts (copyright by Jack Handey). I offer a few excerpts for your consideration:
- One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was
going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out
warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and
cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.I started to drive
over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
- Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful
flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose
in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also,
- If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to
tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute
thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
- If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in
the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
- I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so
bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was
thinking about doing that anyway.
- It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more
money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking
back and forth, wanting that money.
- To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary.
I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus
and a clown killed my dad.
- As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to
red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking
and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.